Parenting, Uncategorized

Kids Are Gross.

baby blur boy child
Don’t be fooled by their cuteness. They’re plotting how to give you their germs and boogers. Photo by Pixabay on


Many parents know that kids are disgusting. In fact, I think this is a fact universally known. Kids carry germs, they poop and pee in diapers that you have to change, and they like to spread their germs by coughing in faces, licking things, and being overall nasty creatures that you can’t help but to love and cuddle.

My personal petri dishes (I say that with affection) have been sick lately. In fact, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been sick since last September when my eldest petri dish started going to school. But, this isn’t about that. This is about our latest bout of, “OH MY GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!!” that hit our house recently.

There are certain childhood illnesses that you forget about (see: ear infections) but then, there are other childhood illnesses that as a parent you hope to magically avoid for 18 years (see: head lice, pink eye, and strep). Well, on Petri Dish #1’s last day of school, she came home with—are you ready for this—PINK EYE!!!

Are you familiar with pink eye? Do you know how GROSS it is? No? Well, I’ll spare you the nastiest details, but basically your eyes swell up and your boogers start coming out of your eyes instead of your nose. I mean, that might not be medically accurate, but that’s sure what it looks like. OH! And bonus: it’s SUPER contagious. It’s so contagious that all you have to do to get it is look at a person with pink eye and BAM! Get ready for booger eyes.

So, guess who else got pink eye other than Petri Dish #1? Yep, you guessed it: ME! Ohhh my gosh. It was awful. I woke up two days after #1 had been on medicine, and I couldn’t open my eyes. My darling husband had to come and escort me to the shower (turns out it takes skill to lead a blind person somewhere, skills that perhaps *walks into a wall* my husband may need to perfect if I ever become permanently blind). After taking a shower and de-boogering my eyes *vomit* I looked in the mirror. My face was so swollen I looked like, as my sister so affectionately said, an anime woodland creature. I mean, if you’re going to get pink eye, the best you can hope for is to look like a cute anime creature, am I right?

It also turns out that some people (hi *waves*) have to stay on the eye drops for two weeks to completely clear up pink eye.

If you ever want to know what it’s like to be a pariah, tell your mom friends that you or your child has pink eye. Let me tell you, they scatter and rescind invites SO fast. And here the thing, once you have had pink eye in your house, you don’t even feel bad that people are avoiding you until the eye booger plague has left. It’s horrible!!!

So, lessons: Kids are gross. Pink eye is grosser.


PS. Pink eye has left the house, we are no longer pariahs. Feel free to play with us again. OH WAIT! Just kidding, Petri Dish #1 has a stomach bug today.

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