Today, my 2 year old took off her diaper and peed on the floor AND on my bag. I was planning on writing a funny post, yet here I am, free falling down the mom-fail spiral while eating Twizzlers and drinking Diet Coke (yeah, I KNOW that stuff will kill me. But you know what else will kill me? LOSING MY MIND! So leave me alone *takes a bite of a Twizzler and pouts*).
Now, I’m sure you’re like, “But, Bianca, how is your daughter peeing on your bag failure?” That’s not the part that’s failure. It’s her sister’s face today that encompasses mom-guilt failure. This morning, her sister, decided to walk down the front stairs WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO THE RAILING–THERE IS A REASON THE RAILING IS THERE! Did she use it? NOPE! What happened? GRAVITY! Gravity happened! And she fell down the concrete steps, hitting the side of her face/eye off of a step and smacked her head on the pavement. God is great because she didn’t get any serious injuries. Now, how is this failure? It’s not exactly failure, but I just feel bad because I wasn’t next to her to hold her hand or catch her when she stumbled. I also wasn’t looking TO YELL AT HER TO USE THE RAILING, THAT IS CLEARLY RIGHT THERE AT HER HEIGHT TO USE! Nope, I was walking her sister and brother to the car.
I could let all of this INSANITY overpower this post. I could go on and on about the things that went wrong today, but I’m not. Nope. I’m going to tell you all about something AMAZING that happened the other day. Something that comes from having three children and developing insane reflexes. Now, you should know that this story involves, like so many parenting stories, poop.
The other day after I had just changed Max’s diaper, he was laying on his back looking up at me with his giant blue eyes, and he was blowing raspberries and laughing. I was tickling his tummy and suddenly his diaper was full of pee again (oh yeah, there’s also pee in this story). So I had to change it. As I was holding his ankles up in the air to wipe him down with a wet wipe he BEGAN TO POOP! His poo went flying in the air and I BLOCKED IT WITH THE DIAPER WIPE! I CAUGHT HIS FLYING POOP MIDAIR WITH THE DIAPER WIPE!!!!!!!
Obviously, I was channeling my inner Neo from the Matrix. I may not know Kung-Fu, but I can block poo!!!
So, while so much went bad today, at least the other day I kept flying poo from painting our new couch and my clothes! VICTORY!!!